Do you remember that one time, it was a good while ago, when I brought you that excerpt of text at fabulous expense? As it happens, I found another one of those things. Now, I don’t normally do this, right? It’s only the second time, because it really costs a lot in licensing fees and stuff, I have to spend a lot of money to have the CG guys clean up all the artifacting from the low-resolution junk. But look, I love you guys a lot, you treat me pretty well, so I’ll do it again. The question I want you to ponder is: Can you write like this?

Oh, and something else, motherfucker! Your bongos are looking super ratty. Maybe your other friends are more diplomatic about it, but I’ll be Goddamned if I’ll put my palms to a bongo that ill-used and decrepit. If you want me over there again you need to invest in some covers for that shit, on the real:

I can’t even look at your greasy bongos anymore, man. New rule: put some fucking covers on.

If you can, maybe you work for Penny Arcade.

But I don’t want to talk about that right now. What I do want to talk about is comments. It seems to me that only my good buddy Indo ever says anything here, you know, on my website. Sarah occasionally says a few things, as well as Danny (less often, but, what, three times, maybe?). .What’s wrong with the rest of you? I know there are other people that cruise by here, you talk to me about what’s on my website as if I don’t already know. You’re all with the, “Hey, did you see that new post on Eric’s site? The one that talks about the s+arck mouse? Yeah, I had no idea they were so bad.” Listen, I wrote that, I took my fingers, pressed them to my keyboard, and made it. What I want you to do is take your mouse and click on that link, the one that says “make yours”, it’s right down there on the right. Then make a comment. It’s not a complicated task, I’ve made it as simple and painless as I can for you. But no one ever says anything to me on my site, no one says anything like, “Wow, your words burned my brain. Why are you still talking?” or like, “Wow, your words burned my brain. I am inexplicably enamored with all that you do.” or like, “Hm, interesting point, but my contention is that the retention of information has to do with the intervention of marketing, which by convention is invasive.” How come no one ever says that?

Look, I don’t want to badger you really badly about it, just sort of badly. But I get twenty comments a day for online poker. I don’t want to play online poker, I don’t even know how to play poker! I am relatively sure that none of you want to play poker either, but if you do, let me know, post a comment, and I’ll start letting those through. Also, if you need prescription drugs cheaply, I have all sorts of hookups for that. Or maybe a college degree? You just let me know.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 5th, 2005 at 2:49 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.